Shooting stars

Meteors!!!
Just imagine this...
A big-enough balcony on the second floor of the Beijing house...Lying down side by side on the floor is five very cute students who planned to study mathematics till dawn, shivering in the cold wind, staring in awe into the dark vast sky lit up by millions of twinkling stars, chatting about their old experiences, cracking up lame jokes or something like 'the-multiple time-appearing-bird-that-distract-us', enjoying the soothing view of beautiful stars that scattered across the sky, breathing fresh air, Waiting with much anticipation for the first meteor to appear...
And then, there goes...
A very beautiful shooting star with red fiery tail falls...
The vision that we had in that split second,
it's the sweetest memory I had so far living here in Westlake...
And so we continue to see more meteors as we wait...
But the first shooting star was the one that I can never forgets.
What I enjoy most is not only the meteor but the wonderful balcony to lye down and the presence of the friends to be there with me sharing this precious moment in life.
Not forgetting to thank Ah Siang for his jacket to keep me warm while witnessing the 'show' put up by God to draw a smile on my face and take away all my worries about Maths.
It was the occurrence of the meteors that made me realize,
taking time to see the wondrous creation of God is worthwhile.
I never know I can get such a chance to see this.
I thought it only appears in Taiwanese dramas and fairy-tales.
But to happen right in front of my eye, got me so excited.
It may sound romantic to some people that I was the only girl among the four boys as they say it resembles the drama call "Meteor Garden". I cannot imagine Ray, Prof. Chua, Kevin and Ah Siang being F4 and me being 'San Chai'. It's just so not right. (hahahahahaha)
But IT CERTAINLY IS
An event that takes my breath away!
15 December 2010...

Lost but found

I lost myself for past two weeks because of all the workload I have.
Information I got for my assignments invaded my table and also my computer.
Worries overflow from mind... I overuse my energy till my eyes swell.
I'm just over EXHAUSTED.
Although I complain but what's the point?
No one can help me except myself.
I didn't go to God or should I say I didn't spare time for God.
This is why I become so dry in my spiritual life.
Now I know buzy-ness can drag us away from God.
Hate it!...
But, Thank God I realise my condition, and I'm now trying to fix it.
I hope that I'l manage to pull myself away from all these work and not aim too much for success in study but to strive harder to know more about God.

Unexpected friends

It feels so surprising as so many people start to pop up in my life.
One by one they are taking over the memory space in my mind.
This is what Wei Jane likes to say, leaving footprints in my life.
Some left so many footprints that I can never overlook it.
These are those who had influenced me in some ways or another.
I know it is God's will to send them to my life and I thank God for his generous gift.
So many of them are true sincere friends.
Sometimes, I think I, myself is the one who is not doing enough for them.
All of them had already taken a place in my heart without me even noticing it...
I admit that I used to be very eager in getting into a relationship.
But as a I stay here longer, I begin to like the way it is and I've stopped thinking about involving into a relationship anymore.
However, now, the question pops up again because of certain circumstances.
Life is full of questions.
When can they all be answered?
HAhaha.....
Anyway... without all this, life will not be interesting anymore.
God only knows what will happen next.

Messy. Tedious. Untidy. Whatever you name it!

That's how my table look like right now...Now that reflects how my life look now. So...upside down? I don't know how to describe it so I take a picture of it. I'm so busy with so many things. I don't even have time to care about what other's are talking about me. (I'm not sure if that's a good thing)
One thing good even with all this mess around is that, I'm still alive and trying hard to survive. Hahaha...Now that's a good news to me. By the way, I'm having my test tomorrow and this is the first time in my life I'm not studying for it...great job ada! (Sigh)

LIfe can be just so speechless at times
I heard someone saying that we are all changing
Well, that's true
But we never change totally
Part of us still remain the same
Well, if we are really true friends, our feelings for each other won't change either...

You opened up my mind

I was very down today because
1# I saw something I don't want to see at all
2# I screwed up my CT paper
3# I get 5.6 for my Econs presentations
I nearly cried when I got my economics' coursework marks. I did very badly.
And the best part is I thought I did not bad in it as I got compliments for my presentations from the tutor.
I don't understand why in the end she gave me such low marks.
If she had planned to give such low marks, why she bother to compliment me and gave me hope on it. I'm so disappointed and I feel so stupid to be happy.
It's like I was being fooled.
In fact this is not the first time.
I had the same situation for my Critical Thinking presentation.
After three months studying here, I realize that I was over confident in everything I do.
I hate to be someone like that. I was all stressed up.
But thanks to a friend of mine who appeared suddenly and tell me that he himself also realized that he is over confident as well. I like one of his quotes ' we are here not to be good but to learn". I should follow that principle.
It feels so much better now that I know I'm not alone.
Someone is correcting himself just like I am correcting myself.
All I can do is work hard for better outcomes in future. I can no longer aim for 4.0 but improvement.

Anxious morning

My heartbeat rate is increasing now. Feeling very anxious. I'm so speechless now. It's a thursday morning. Supposingly, I should be going for prayer meeting this morning but I can't. I feel very guilty because I had been skipping for quite some time...Managing timetable is something that I had never done before in my life. As in a timetable for your following three months in campus. When I was in secondary and primary, everything is done readied for me. But now, not anymore. I had made three plans. A, B and C. But who will know what will happen later? That's why I'm so worried now. I really hope God will help me...A day start of with so much worries reminds me of the bible verse...God tell us not to be worry and do not be anxious. I hope I can do it but I just can't right now. Hmmm... God how I wish I could put my trust more in You. How good it is if I could just let everyone do it. I really don't want to compete. But there are circumstances that do not let me to do so.

13th week

I've not been blogging for quite some time due to certain reasons...Anyway...I'm blogging again now. I can't believe the time passed so fast. This is the 13th week already, I'm staying here in Utar. I enjoyed my journey here so far. The stay was not as bad as I thought at first. I had met many people. And like my dad say, I got a lot of friends here. But dad, honestly, the close ones I only have a few. I'm glad that the people here accept me well. It's a blessing that God had gave me. I appreciate it a lot. But I missed something here. A friend of mine actually noticed that I changed. I myself noticed that too. I feel very guilty for all of the things I've done here. I've changed to become more playful than I used too. I hadn't been doing my quiet time too lately. When I was in secondary, I always hope for a uni life. But when I'm now in Uni life, I missed my secondary school life. I miss the time when I can do my quiet time the few minutes before I go to school. Spending time with God teaches me a lot. I didn't get to hear his message already. Neither did I pray to Him. This is so wrong. But, I only realize all this when I saw Wendy's tears just now. Her tears for all the burden she had to want to be closer to God reminds me about my relationship with God. She cry to God. I asked myself, when was the last time I cry to God. I can't even answer that question. When can I really worship God with my whole heart? I've reklying too much on myself. When can I start to put all my trust on God?

A smiley weekend

This is one of the picture that I took after finishing my assignment...This picture that you are watching had given me terrible headache and frustrations...Now that I've handed it in to my lecturer, I feel like a big rock had lifted from my shoulder. A big thanks to God for giving me all the strength and energy to complete it. The feeling is so good when you actually finish doing something that you had put in a lot of effort and that made me smile....A smile that makes me think that all the hard work that I had put in worth it...

I'm right behind....

Someone once told me that I am left behind.
I always deny because I think I can still catch up with it.
But as time pass, I think I'm becoming tired of chasing it.
Sometimes, situations also don't allow me to do it.
I understand no one is to be blame for it.
God made it this way.
I have to learn to accept it.
I don't feel good, in fact...a little heartbreaking when I have to accept the fact.
The feeling is like it doesn't matter if you exist or not.
You don't belong here anymore....
It has been so long since I've come here, but still...I feel empty.
I can find no one that if I call, they will come.
And this week,
I'll be left behind again.

Gloomy Week

This is the most tiring week I've ever had in this year.
So many things had happen this few days.
I received one of the worst news this year saying that my good friend lost his beloved.
We all know how pain it is to lost someone we love
but I think no one can understand the cry in his heart,
only God can comfort him.
It's very sad to see our own friend to face such a situation.
All we can do is to stand by him,
ready to help,
ready to lend him our shoulder,
ready to listen if he wants to talk.
That's what friends are for.
I'm very thankful to God because He had given me the chance to stand by this friend this time when he is going this hard time in life.
I had missed all those time in the past to support each other when both of us didn't contact.
I had been worrying for many things.
When I wish that someone could stand beside me and say,
it's okay, relax, everything will be alright- and there, God sent two friends saying that to me. Thank you again, God.
I wouldn't be strong enough if I'm without Him.
I'm going to take my Economics test tomorrow.
This is my weakest subject.
But, the worries that I had the days before for this test faded.
I'm just sitting down here blogging with a calm heart.
I think it's all because of the prayers.
What a week!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

=These are some of my friends=

I have many friends in my life.

So many till I've lost calculated.

However, there are only a few of them whom I treasured most.

I see them almost like my family members.

I love each and every one of them more than anything.

It is hard to express my feelings towards them face-to face at times.

I agree that I'm a very sensitive person.

And because of that, I feel very hard to hold back my tears when something goes wrong with the people around me, especially those who are very important to me.

I feel very weak and stupid to cry.

But, I just can't control. I don't know why. God made me this way, I guess.

It feels much better after a big cry every time I feel down. It is a good way for me to release stress.

I've been thinking a lot lately.

Or maybe I should say, too much of thinking.

I'm thinking if the best friends I made now, will they stay with me forever?

I'm thinking if I'm being a good friend to them.

I'm thinking if I'm always there when they really need me.

I'm thinking what would be my feelings on the very day when a good friend of mine walk away from my life.

I'm thinking if they will cherish the happy moments that we spent together in the past.

I'm thinking if they will forget me someday in future.

I know all these sounds a little dramatic but, it does happen in reality.

Miss you guys a lot...

I cannot Catch Up with You

There are something that I can never catch up with.
They are just too fast.
The wind, the rumours, my thoughts, people's thinking and the list goes on to infinity.
To me, time is one of the thing that I can never catch up too.
I'm always late for it.
I wonder how great it will be if God can make me be in a few different places doing the things that I want to do all at the same time.
Then, time won't be wasted.
I missed a lot of events in the past that I wanted to take part very much.
I'm starting to feel a little regret with all of it.
I regret that I wasn't there for my friend when they needed me most.
I regret that I didn't spend enough time with my mum.
I regret that I did nothing even when time flies.
I regret that I never spend enough time with God, feeling Him and listening to Him, I regret that I didn't play enough with my dog.
I regret that I didn't do more 'ss stuffs' with my bunch of best friends.
I want to do all these.
But, again...the time passes so fast.
Everyone has grown so much...
When can I catch up with the TIME?

Who can I trust?

There was a girl who approached me once
when I was waiting for a bus at the bus stop.
She invited me to one of her church events.
It was a musical call 'Now I See".
I was really convinced with everything she said and we even became friends at that very time. We even exchange numbers.
I had a really good impression on her.
I trusted her.
Now that I've read the utar freshies' handbook
only I realise she's one of the cult devotees.
I never know that. I almost fall and was being convinced by her.
Thank God I didn't go for their event.
The moment when I came to know the truth,
I don't know why I was filled with so much fear.
My eyes start to well up.
At one moment I felt very fortunate that I didn't go but at another moment, I felt very insecure.
I felt being stupid.
This is not the first time I know I can be cheated easily.
I tend to trust people so easily.
It's my strong point but it is also my weak point.
I can't even differentiate what's right and what's wrong now.
I don't know who to trust here
. Everything is still so alien to me.
I missed my home so much suddenly.
I miss being with my mum and my hometown friend.
It's like a 'used to it' reflex when I start to text my best friend and tell him 'bout it.
I wanted to call my mum so much just now.
And, I did both things.
Listening to them makes me think I'm still a kid.
I'm still very weak to survive out here.
Both of them tell me not to believe people easily.
And I take what my best friend said, he said "you can only depend on God when you are there alone".
I take his words, seriously. I can run to no one except God.
Everyone is away for me... I'm alone here.
It feels so good to chat with this friend of mine again.
We've not been really talking for quite some time.
I'll treasure this moment for life, friend.
Now that I've spilled out,
I felt much better.
With the few person that strike my head first at the time I'm in fear,
I suppose they are the person that I trusted most.
Anyway, thank you mum and friend for your words of advice.

A beautiful day....

To me, today is quite a special day.
I woke up very early in the morning today to go for the morning prayer activity in uni. It was a very cold morning.
I shiver when i wash my face. Then, I had a piece of cheese tart that I bought from pasar malam yesterday.
It was so tasty...I still can taste it in my mouth now.
After doing my quiet time, I start to cycle to the uni at 6.45 a.m.
This was my first time cycling to uni so early.
I didn't sweat a bit. The scenery of the lake was breathtaking.
I see quite a number of uncles and aunties walking around, jogging, hanging out at the park. It was not that dark as the sun is rising...
So, I bet you can imagine the beauty of pink mix orange color sky...The birds were all flying over my head as though they are welcoming me...
.It was such a nice experience.
The wind that blows towards me, ah.....feel so good...
Now, I understand the feeling of one of my friends who loves to jog in the morning here, in this place.
You can feel the beauty of the nature and that makes you really in joy.
At least, I was in joy when I saw that.
And that made my day.
After my math class, I went to the cafeteria with the normal bunch of friends.
And here comes, another funny scene happen.
Aaron and Keng Hua acting like two little kid fighting for a polystyrene to draw and scribble something.
I just can't stop laughing looking at the two of them..

Part of their masterpiece

BEsides, I also enjoyed my basic English class a lot especially
during the sketch session. It seems there's a few
talented actor in my class. I had a really good laugh. Then later, I went for prayer walk in block D. As I was walking there, I saw a dragonfly settling down on a branch above my head.
I think it was a very pretty dragonfly.
I don't know why the appearance of the dragonfly put me in such great joy today.
It makes me think that God is indeed a GREAT GREAT CREATOR!!

Jia Vern, Me and Jenifer

The pretty dragonfly

Yummy...

This is one of the food that I bought in the pasar malam today. What a great day I have, though I'm so exhausted now. Ming Qiu and Kathrine Lee came to visit me in Kampar and so we went to pasar malam together. I think we shared almost all the food that we bought and it was so tasty. The tokoyaki is so delicious.But, the best of all would be the curry fishball...(My saliva is pouring down). It's so nice to have the two of them accompanying me even only for two hours. These are one of the moments that I enjoyed most in Kampar so far. Yesterday night, the CF had another event that touched me a lot. It was my first time in Wesley Methodist Kampar. It was indeed a very nice church... They make us watch a movie called "Facing The Giants". It's not like my first time watching this show, but, somehow, the message sounds new to me. I think I learn something again yesterday night. God is always there for us. We should be praising Him no matter what happens. He can do all great things to us. Nothing is impossible to God. There's one man in the show said " God made us weak because he wanna make something big in our lives that other people can give glory to Him". This caption strike my head at once. After that, they have a short worship session. I sang with a full heart to God especially when they start to play heart of worship. I've been singing that song by myself for the whole week. It was a great song...and I'm deeply moved by the lyrics. However yesterday night ended up quite funnily because I forgot to take my umbrella home after the thing ended. I had to trouble Mr. K (our CF advisor) to send me back to church again to take it back. And in the end, my seniors have to send me home...They are so kind...Thank GOd for placing these people around me to help me when I'm in need.

OBSERVE+ REFLECT+LEARN

I got no mood to study today. So, I decided to use this time to read some blogs. I find myself clicking back into my CF president's blog again. His blog attracts my atention a lot since the first time I see them. I think what he wrote inside not only tell me about what he had gone through but also teaches me a lot. I learn a lot of things as I read his blog. I learn that I really have to depend fully on God no matter in what I do. This is not something that many people can do. And I'm one of those who are trying to do it with God's help. It is not an act of accidentally for me to found his blog. I believe God has arranged all this for me. I find it very amazing to see how God plan the days ahead of me. You see, it is not my will to come here to UTAR, and I ended up here. There's not many society that opens up a booth at the cafeteria to invite new members but CF is one of them. It was a planned schedule by God to have me registering into CF, calling me to go for the first Prayer Walk even though I was very tired that day, introducing me to all this wonderful seniors and new christian friends, going into a journey of rebuilding the faith in me towards Him through the words and prayers they said, getting know the other people's walk of life and finally letting me to OBSERVE, REFLECT AND LEARN from them. God, thank you for creating such a great plan for me. You alone know what's best for me. Thank you, Lord!

The first time I'm using this lappy

This is my very first time using this lappy to write in this blog...The feeling is quite good...I just got my new laptop today and I already bring it to Kampar. I attended the youth class this morning and we talked about relationship between the opposite sex. It was an interesting discussion, anyway. I learn to respect other out of love for them...Barney said something that hit me straight away today...He said, a mother will not mention what she had done for her children at all because they do it out of love.But, if ever they start to mention about what they did for the kids, the reason is because the kids didn't treat her in a way that show love. I reflected on what he said. It was quite true, indeed. My mum has been mentioning about what she did for us lately. Honestly, I also notice that I didn't treat her as well as I used to be. I'm not sure what's the reason but I know it is my fault. I can't really control my own anger and impatience.I think the cause that changes me into such a jerk is me losing my grip from Christ. I need to come back into the right track,but...lately, everything is just so not right for me until I read my CF president's blog. I learn a lot in his blog...I think I really need to rebuild my faith in Him. God please lay out your saving hands to save me again....

The ups and downs

It has been two weeks since lessons started in UTAR.I got a very bad connection over there in Kampar that's why I got no chance to update my blog...Two weeks are quite short but it's long enough to change a person. Don't worry, I hadn't change much. It's just that the perception that I had for UTAR has changed a little. That place was not as bad as I thought or as bad as some people thought. I start to have some good feelings towards this place. I think it's like the same way how I change my perception towards St. Anthony.The start always comes with negative critics and ugly perceptions, but when I settled down at these places...the good points tend to reveal. I think all colleges and university and schools are just the same...It is the choice that makes us go into different path. And, I chose to go Utar. I've gone through a lot in this two weeks. I felt being alone, I felt being blessed, I felt being protected, I felt being loved, I felt being honoured, I felt being stupid. I was really sad last Tuesday because I got no one to be with me at the moment that I needed someone most. But somehow, in the end I made it through too. As long as someone is there just to give us a word of assurance or just a warm hug, I believe there is nothing that we cannot do courageously.I love this caption the most " a firm handshake can warm a person's heart".

It's the end, I'm tired

As the clock struck twelve just now, I know that was the moment that determines my future.The matriculation results are out again. I checked and I didn't got it AGAIN. This is not the first time I got rejected. I've received so much disappointment lately. I'm so down. SO DOWN...It's like no one wants you no matter how hard you work for it. I know there is an alternative way ready for me to go for it but...I never get what I desire most. It's always like this. I tried to be optimistic but, I'm so tired of pretending. I want to look at the bright side but really, it's so tired to tell a lie to others saying..."It's ok, I'm alright,I still have UTAR" when I'm actually not ok. It's such a let down. I'm not sure what's the use of all the hard work I put in during my exam last time. I think I've been pretending to be a good girl, to be an optimistic person and to be strong when I am not. Honestly, I hate it when people criticize UTAR. My sister graduated from this university. She worked hard for it and I think she did quite well. What is it so bad about UTAR? Why do I have to bear all these? I know I'm not alone going through all these. Many of my friends are in my shoes too. It's so unfair. I'm tired of hiding all my hatred toward this education ministry.

*****************************

I want to say thank you to this friend of mine who remembers me tonight. Thanks for being the first person to ask me for the results. We hadn't met each other for quite sometime already but you still remember me. I appreciate your concern very much. Thank you for understanding my situation. I know you aren't good in consoling people but, your act has show your heart of sincerity. I hope you'll do well in your matriculation since you have the chance too. All the best and I'll remember you too.

The beautiful yellow flowers

The road in front of my house was beautifully covered with small yellow flowers this morning. That was the first thing I saw this morning. The view seems to draw a sweet smile on my face after going through so much tears the night before. The tears that flowed out the night before wasn't only because of my own problem. I cried for an old friend of mine. This is a friend that I thought I wouldn't get to talk to him again. But, yesterday night, we started to really talk again. We told each other about what we've gone through all these years when we weren't there to support each other. I thought he lived a very happy life without much worries all this while.He thought the same of me too. But the real secrets revealed yesterday. We almost shared the same fate and same situation in our secondary school life. It is something sad to know that your old friend suffered so much and maybe more than yourself last time. However, it's also happy to have found someone who shared almost the same bad memories with you before because these are the ones who will understand your feelings.I had a memorable chat with this old friend of mine. As he describe his experience, I reflected it on myself. It's quite a good way to remind ourselves to be content with what we have now. Thank you, 'my old friend' for sharing it with me. You've broke the icy wall. I think you've change a lot. We've now grown much matured because of what we've been through. You are a very determined guy. I know you are trying so hard now to change for good...And I'm here supporting you always...Do it for the person you loved and saved before. I'm here praying for you.

I'm all alone

I'm alone again. It's not my first time but, I still don't get used to it. I've always been lonely at home during the day time because my mum goes to work. All I can do is just to sit there and wait for her to come back from work. Whenever I heard the screetching sound of the motorbike at about dusk, I know she's back.Today, I still hear the sound of the motorbike but it wasn't her. In fact, I automatically peep through the window when I hear the sound of motorbike. Till then, only I realise my mum is no way in Malaysia.I laughed to myself every time I do it. I thought I've already get used to it that she's not around me because I've tried it before already during National Service. Somehow, I think it's different this time. I don't know why. I miss her badly. I think it's because of the environment. I was in camp during the National Service but this time I'm in my own house. This is the house that I've been living for the past 17 years. It's normal to see me alone at home during the day in these 17 years but it's extremely rare to see me being alone at home during the night. I feel so empty in here. I hated to do house chores all this while when my mum is around but today, I feel so uneasy when I didn't do it all properly. Now I understand how much she miss me when she's at home and I'm away in NS. Everything will change next week. I know she will continue to miss me just like how I miss her now. My tears are still dropping now...I miss this house,this HOME. When things start to turn back to the right path, I have to leave. IS this how life works?

Teacher's Day in St. Anthony

It was my first time to celebrate Teacher's Day in St. Anthony school. I'm one of the weird ones in the school today compared to other students.I wore a blue GB shirt when the other students all wear St. Anthony sports wear. Despite being the odd one, no one looks at me like a weirdo.That's something that relieves me a little once I stepped into the school. We were almost late for school today because Jo Ann had to send mangoes to another school for the teacher. I think it's unique to give your favourite teacher mangoes as a teacher's day gift. My team and I were told to perform a sketch as one o the presentations. My group members had practiced very hard for today.They'd learn how to dance 'Sorry, sorry' and 'Nobody' too. It's kinda funny to see them dance, especially Esther. I was the narrator for the sketch and I just knew it this morning.I changed almost the whole script that Su Yin wrote. I was very nervous because I wasn't ready for it. I was even more nervous than the time when I present in UCSI. I think it was the scariest performance that I'd ever done today because the audience were all boys.....It's my first time to see so many boys sitting down there, looking at you to talk. And, I still have to make all those stupid face expressions. It was so hard. But, I enjoyed seeing my friends' actings. I had stomach ache for the whole show...kinda unlucky...=(

I've made THE DECISION

At last...I've made up my mind. I chose to study in utar. I know a lot of people doesn't like me choosing this path. Many people say that form six is better and so on. I've been thinking for a very long time. Some people think that I don't care much about this problem but, I care about it a lot. I can't even sleep sometimes because of this. I've got lots of advice from friends, aunties, uncles and my parents. Come to think about it again, the only person who didn't give me any advice or telling me which is better is my sister. This does not show that she don't love me. But, I feel that she understands me. I know once I step into UTAR, there will be many people start talking behind my back about why I make such a stupid choice. They always ask me why for this and that. But, I always answer them "I don't know why". If you ask me again why I make this choice this time, I will still answer you "I don't know why".All I know is I think I've made my best choice for this time. Mr. Thiru always says make the right choice at the right time. I think I'm doing it now. I don't think I'll regret because studying in UTAR doesn't mean that I cannot achieve. I will prove it that being a UTAR student, I can do well too. I want to be really good in marketing. In conclusion, I'm going to leave for Kampar in two weeks time. At first I find it quite hard to leave the people I know here but after reading an article in The Stars, I know that this is just part and parcel in life. It will happen at this stage of life. Everything that I've gone through here in Teluk Intan with my yamcha geng and back there in NS will always remain in my heart.

my three best friends

the brigades
my classmates
the casts of "heartbeat of hope"

(my 2nd musical performance)

part of the yamcha geng
my 1st musical performance

my church youths
my NS mates

My first day in a new school

St.Anthony...This is the school that I went this morning to register myself for lower six. I thought I would enjoy my two weeks lower six life but I no longer think so. There are only less than 80 students who turned up today. I can't even see a Malay boy registering for it. We sat at the hall for the whole day doing nothing. The principal and the form six teacher only managed to give an hour talk and we were let to do nothing but just to sit down there for the rest of the time. It was sweltering hot and I feel so stuffy in there. The heat actually give me a very bad headache too. We cannot even breathe well because of the smell of the new painted walls and also the pesticides.Anyway, the only time we get to let out a laugh is when someone suggested to play 'detective and killer'.I know the game sounds a little too childish for us, but it was the only activity that I enjoyed today. I think my group was the noisiest group of all. I hope I can have a better tomorrow!!!!Hmm.....

'Heartbeat of Hope' in UCSI

The casts and crews of 'Heartbeat of hope' made it to UCSI yesterday. UCSI is indeed a very nice college with unique structures. We were told to perform in their acoustic hall. OMG!!! The hall is very nice and it is 'sound proofed'.Hahaha...The stage was made of high quality wood and there is a half a million grand piano situated at the left side of the stage...I heard that there are only three grand pianos in Malaysia that cost up to half a million. It's such a great experience to touch the keys and to even take a picture with it.Hahaha...We spent the whole afternoon there practicing our musical drama but I think we were all just joking around. But when it comes to night, everyone went extremely serious. I think we put up quite a well show. My dad say, Methodist people is like that. We always fool around and play with each other during practices but when the real performance comes, everyone puts 100% effort in. I enjoy every single moment on the stage. It was the last time for us to perform this musical. It was the last time for us to get together and enjoy the presence of each other. I miss everyone who acted in the show especially the singers and the actors and actresses.I really want to thank Aunty Grace, Aunty Cho Tan and all the helpers who had contribute something for this event. I specially want to thank God for making all this things possible and thank God for letting Dad to help a little by making the spears...I appreciate it a lot. It doesn't matter the number of people who came for the show. Like what Chee Yong said before 'the most important thing is we ourselves enjoy it to the fullest'. I LOVE THIS MUSICAL DRAMA A LOT. IT WILL BE A SWEET MEMORY FOR ME TO LOOK BACK IN FUTURE.

Blessings...

My parents and I went for yamcha with my aunt and uncle just now. My aunt told me that she had a minor quarrel with one of her friends over my education status. I was very surprised to hear about it because they are actually quarreling over whose daughter is better. And the best part is, I'm not even her daughter, I'm her niece. I felt quite touched when she stood up for me but I'm also quite sad because I'm the cause of the whole thing. She said that her friend's daughter also got nine A's. Her friend will be sending her daughter off for matriculation. It's a very happy thing for that family. Sadly, I didn't get matriculation like she did but I'm going for UTAR. So,my aunt told her about it. My aunty's friend start to say all the negative ideas about UTAR and that's how the whole thing goes on. That very conversation that I had with my aunt just now hit me straight away. Question starts popping up into my head. I'm holding back my tears. I'm not sad because I have to go to UTAR because I think UTAR is a good university although so many people don't think it is. I'm thinking if I've chosen the right course. It seems a lot of people is putting high hope on me. I never said I love marketing and neither did I ever mentioned that I hated marketing.I'm quite neutral with this course. But, I start to ponder again this few days about my choice. I don't know if I should choose something that can make me to be a professional or should I stay as a normal office girl. When I reached home, I locked myself in the room and think again.I cried out to God this time because I already feel very tired with these questions. Again, I ask God why He had blessed me with such results. I feel so blessed by God. I've done nothing much but He had given me 9A's, he had given me the precious chance to go for JPA interview, he had given me 89 marks for shooting, he had given me 84 marks for bible knowledge test (something that I didn't even put much effort in) . I wonder why he gives me so many blessings but he hasn't show me which path to walk yet. Lately, I felt it as a burden for me to answer 'I'll be doing marketing' when people ask me what am I going to pursue later on in life. I feel so shameful. I put my trust in Him but, I'm still worrying here. Sometimes, I really don't understand what my head is thinking. God, help me!!!!!!

Early in The Morning

I woke up at five today.I just got up so naturally without even feeling sleepy at all. I was very fresh but only to notice I have a terrible soar throat. It's painful to even swallow my own saliva. I wonder how am I going to sing in this condition. However, this sore throat did not ruin my weekend. I think this weekend was one of the weekend that I enjoyed most. There's nothing special happening around.I enjoyed for the presence of my sister and daddy at home. To my family, it is not a simple thing for us join together to just have a dinner. That's why I cherish every single moment that I can spend with my sister when she's back in TI. Although the meal we had for yesterday night was simple, we still think it was tasty because of the time we spent together there. Dad cracked jokes and we simply chatted happily. I will be going off quite soon already.By the time comes, we will all be separated into four parts. Hope the time will pass slowly this month...

What's on my mind now?

I had a good chat with my two good friends just now. We chatted something that we don't normally discuss about. I find our opinions very interesting that's why I feel like writing what I think about it.We talked something about luck at first. Some say luck is like 'accidentally'. To me, I don't believe in luck but some people do. I think if everyone depends on luck, then there is no such things as 'hard work pays off' quotes. I only believe in blessings. Someone once told me that everything that happens in this world are all destined by God. So, it does not happen by luck or by coincidence. I, myself is a Christian. I see that what we have now and what we achieved before is not by luck but by hard work and also 'blessings'. Blessing is something that is destined to be given to you by God.I really want to confess it here that I hate my dad for believing in luck.I just don't know why and I don't really want to explain it. Another thing that I want to talk about is how to live like an 18 year old girl. I'm actually seventeen plus plus now but I'm going to be eighteen soon. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm mature enough to be an eighteen year old girl. How much knowledge or how much wisdom should an eighteen year old person have? I think a person is said to be mature because that person has that specific knowledge. A mature person would also know when it is the right time to play around and also the right time to be serious. Some people matures faster than the others. It depends on how much a person had gone through in life or what he had learnt. Nowadays, many eighteen years old kids still do not know how to be independent. Here, 'independent' means earn money to survive by ourself. I'm one of them who is still not independent.But, I have a friend who comes from a broken family and already started to earn money for a living at this age. He has to find money to pay his rental, for food,for transportation and for other expenses as well. He experienced it and he learnt it by desperation. To him, he felt himself is more mature than the other eighteen year old kids around him because he is different. It is not anyone's fault but because everyone's life is destined to be like this. So I personally feel, different people has different state of maturity.

Writing...

I don't know why I love to write and describe things. I don't know why until today.I watched a movie called '1 litre of tears'. It's a very touching movie. I just learnt that writing our thoughts out is a form of releasing and expressing ourselves. I've started a diary three years ago and have not stop writing till now. I've written down all the things that I've been through for these few years-the people that I've met, the ups and downs in my life, the stress that I suffer, the surprises that I received, the people who I miss most and so on. I think these are all the interesting scenes that spices up my life. It's such a blessing... I'll continue to write...