Messy. Tedious. Untidy. Whatever you name it!

That's how my table look like right now...Now that reflects how my life look now. So...upside down? I don't know how to describe it so I take a picture of it. I'm so busy with so many things. I don't even have time to care about what other's are talking about me. (I'm not sure if that's a good thing)
One thing good even with all this mess around is that, I'm still alive and trying hard to survive. Hahaha...Now that's a good news to me. By the way, I'm having my test tomorrow and this is the first time in my life I'm not studying for it...great job ada! (Sigh)

LIfe can be just so speechless at times
I heard someone saying that we are all changing
Well, that's true
But we never change totally
Part of us still remain the same
Well, if we are really true friends, our feelings for each other won't change either...

You opened up my mind

I was very down today because
1# I saw something I don't want to see at all
2# I screwed up my CT paper
3# I get 5.6 for my Econs presentations
I nearly cried when I got my economics' coursework marks. I did very badly.
And the best part is I thought I did not bad in it as I got compliments for my presentations from the tutor.
I don't understand why in the end she gave me such low marks.
If she had planned to give such low marks, why she bother to compliment me and gave me hope on it. I'm so disappointed and I feel so stupid to be happy.
It's like I was being fooled.
In fact this is not the first time.
I had the same situation for my Critical Thinking presentation.
After three months studying here, I realize that I was over confident in everything I do.
I hate to be someone like that. I was all stressed up.
But thanks to a friend of mine who appeared suddenly and tell me that he himself also realized that he is over confident as well. I like one of his quotes ' we are here not to be good but to learn". I should follow that principle.
It feels so much better now that I know I'm not alone.
Someone is correcting himself just like I am correcting myself.
All I can do is work hard for better outcomes in future. I can no longer aim for 4.0 but improvement.

Anxious morning

My heartbeat rate is increasing now. Feeling very anxious. I'm so speechless now. It's a thursday morning. Supposingly, I should be going for prayer meeting this morning but I can't. I feel very guilty because I had been skipping for quite some time...Managing timetable is something that I had never done before in my life. As in a timetable for your following three months in campus. When I was in secondary and primary, everything is done readied for me. But now, not anymore. I had made three plans. A, B and C. But who will know what will happen later? That's why I'm so worried now. I really hope God will help me...A day start of with so much worries reminds me of the bible verse...God tell us not to be worry and do not be anxious. I hope I can do it but I just can't right now. Hmmm... God how I wish I could put my trust more in You. How good it is if I could just let everyone do it. I really don't want to compete. But there are circumstances that do not let me to do so.

13th week

I've not been blogging for quite some time due to certain reasons...Anyway...I'm blogging again now. I can't believe the time passed so fast. This is the 13th week already, I'm staying here in Utar. I enjoyed my journey here so far. The stay was not as bad as I thought at first. I had met many people. And like my dad say, I got a lot of friends here. But dad, honestly, the close ones I only have a few. I'm glad that the people here accept me well. It's a blessing that God had gave me. I appreciate it a lot. But I missed something here. A friend of mine actually noticed that I changed. I myself noticed that too. I feel very guilty for all of the things I've done here. I've changed to become more playful than I used too. I hadn't been doing my quiet time too lately. When I was in secondary, I always hope for a uni life. But when I'm now in Uni life, I missed my secondary school life. I miss the time when I can do my quiet time the few minutes before I go to school. Spending time with God teaches me a lot. I didn't get to hear his message already. Neither did I pray to Him. This is so wrong. But, I only realize all this when I saw Wendy's tears just now. Her tears for all the burden she had to want to be closer to God reminds me about my relationship with God. She cry to God. I asked myself, when was the last time I cry to God. I can't even answer that question. When can I really worship God with my whole heart? I've reklying too much on myself. When can I start to put all my trust on God?

A smiley weekend

This is one of the picture that I took after finishing my assignment...This picture that you are watching had given me terrible headache and frustrations...Now that I've handed it in to my lecturer, I feel like a big rock had lifted from my shoulder. A big thanks to God for giving me all the strength and energy to complete it. The feeling is so good when you actually finish doing something that you had put in a lot of effort and that made me smile....A smile that makes me think that all the hard work that I had put in worth it...

I'm right behind....

Someone once told me that I am left behind.
I always deny because I think I can still catch up with it.
But as time pass, I think I'm becoming tired of chasing it.
Sometimes, situations also don't allow me to do it.
I understand no one is to be blame for it.
God made it this way.
I have to learn to accept it.
I don't feel good, in fact...a little heartbreaking when I have to accept the fact.
The feeling is like it doesn't matter if you exist or not.
You don't belong here anymore....
It has been so long since I've come here, but still...I feel empty.
I can find no one that if I call, they will come.
And this week,
I'll be left behind again.

Gloomy Week

This is the most tiring week I've ever had in this year.
So many things had happen this few days.
I received one of the worst news this year saying that my good friend lost his beloved.
We all know how pain it is to lost someone we love
but I think no one can understand the cry in his heart,
only God can comfort him.
It's very sad to see our own friend to face such a situation.
All we can do is to stand by him,
ready to help,
ready to lend him our shoulder,
ready to listen if he wants to talk.
That's what friends are for.
I'm very thankful to God because He had given me the chance to stand by this friend this time when he is going this hard time in life.
I had missed all those time in the past to support each other when both of us didn't contact.
I had been worrying for many things.
When I wish that someone could stand beside me and say,
it's okay, relax, everything will be alright- and there, God sent two friends saying that to me. Thank you again, God.
I wouldn't be strong enough if I'm without Him.
I'm going to take my Economics test tomorrow.
This is my weakest subject.
But, the worries that I had the days before for this test faded.
I'm just sitting down here blogging with a calm heart.
I think it's all because of the prayers.
What a week!