Lost but found

I lost myself for past two weeks because of all the workload I have.
Information I got for my assignments invaded my table and also my computer.
Worries overflow from mind... I overuse my energy till my eyes swell.
I'm just over EXHAUSTED.
Although I complain but what's the point?
No one can help me except myself.
I didn't go to God or should I say I didn't spare time for God.
This is why I become so dry in my spiritual life.
Now I know buzy-ness can drag us away from God.
Hate it!...
But, Thank God I realise my condition, and I'm now trying to fix it.
I hope that I'l manage to pull myself away from all these work and not aim too much for success in study but to strive harder to know more about God.

Unexpected friends

It feels so surprising as so many people start to pop up in my life.
One by one they are taking over the memory space in my mind.
This is what Wei Jane likes to say, leaving footprints in my life.
Some left so many footprints that I can never overlook it.
These are those who had influenced me in some ways or another.
I know it is God's will to send them to my life and I thank God for his generous gift.
So many of them are true sincere friends.
Sometimes, I think I, myself is the one who is not doing enough for them.
All of them had already taken a place in my heart without me even noticing it...
I admit that I used to be very eager in getting into a relationship.
But as a I stay here longer, I begin to like the way it is and I've stopped thinking about involving into a relationship anymore.
However, now, the question pops up again because of certain circumstances.
Life is full of questions.
When can they all be answered?
HAhaha.....
Anyway... without all this, life will not be interesting anymore.
God only knows what will happen next.

Messy. Tedious. Untidy. Whatever you name it!

That's how my table look like right now...Now that reflects how my life look now. So...upside down? I don't know how to describe it so I take a picture of it. I'm so busy with so many things. I don't even have time to care about what other's are talking about me. (I'm not sure if that's a good thing)
One thing good even with all this mess around is that, I'm still alive and trying hard to survive. Hahaha...Now that's a good news to me. By the way, I'm having my test tomorrow and this is the first time in my life I'm not studying for it...great job ada! (Sigh)

LIfe can be just so speechless at times
I heard someone saying that we are all changing
Well, that's true
But we never change totally
Part of us still remain the same
Well, if we are really true friends, our feelings for each other won't change either...

You opened up my mind

I was very down today because
1# I saw something I don't want to see at all
2# I screwed up my CT paper
3# I get 5.6 for my Econs presentations
I nearly cried when I got my economics' coursework marks. I did very badly.
And the best part is I thought I did not bad in it as I got compliments for my presentations from the tutor.
I don't understand why in the end she gave me such low marks.
If she had planned to give such low marks, why she bother to compliment me and gave me hope on it. I'm so disappointed and I feel so stupid to be happy.
It's like I was being fooled.
In fact this is not the first time.
I had the same situation for my Critical Thinking presentation.
After three months studying here, I realize that I was over confident in everything I do.
I hate to be someone like that. I was all stressed up.
But thanks to a friend of mine who appeared suddenly and tell me that he himself also realized that he is over confident as well. I like one of his quotes ' we are here not to be good but to learn". I should follow that principle.
It feels so much better now that I know I'm not alone.
Someone is correcting himself just like I am correcting myself.
All I can do is work hard for better outcomes in future. I can no longer aim for 4.0 but improvement.

Anxious morning

My heartbeat rate is increasing now. Feeling very anxious. I'm so speechless now. It's a thursday morning. Supposingly, I should be going for prayer meeting this morning but I can't. I feel very guilty because I had been skipping for quite some time...Managing timetable is something that I had never done before in my life. As in a timetable for your following three months in campus. When I was in secondary and primary, everything is done readied for me. But now, not anymore. I had made three plans. A, B and C. But who will know what will happen later? That's why I'm so worried now. I really hope God will help me...A day start of with so much worries reminds me of the bible verse...God tell us not to be worry and do not be anxious. I hope I can do it but I just can't right now. Hmmm... God how I wish I could put my trust more in You. How good it is if I could just let everyone do it. I really don't want to compete. But there are circumstances that do not let me to do so.

13th week

I've not been blogging for quite some time due to certain reasons...Anyway...I'm blogging again now. I can't believe the time passed so fast. This is the 13th week already, I'm staying here in Utar. I enjoyed my journey here so far. The stay was not as bad as I thought at first. I had met many people. And like my dad say, I got a lot of friends here. But dad, honestly, the close ones I only have a few. I'm glad that the people here accept me well. It's a blessing that God had gave me. I appreciate it a lot. But I missed something here. A friend of mine actually noticed that I changed. I myself noticed that too. I feel very guilty for all of the things I've done here. I've changed to become more playful than I used too. I hadn't been doing my quiet time too lately. When I was in secondary, I always hope for a uni life. But when I'm now in Uni life, I missed my secondary school life. I miss the time when I can do my quiet time the few minutes before I go to school. Spending time with God teaches me a lot. I didn't get to hear his message already. Neither did I pray to Him. This is so wrong. But, I only realize all this when I saw Wendy's tears just now. Her tears for all the burden she had to want to be closer to God reminds me about my relationship with God. She cry to God. I asked myself, when was the last time I cry to God. I can't even answer that question. When can I really worship God with my whole heart? I've reklying too much on myself. When can I start to put all my trust on God?

A smiley weekend

This is one of the picture that I took after finishing my assignment...This picture that you are watching had given me terrible headache and frustrations...Now that I've handed it in to my lecturer, I feel like a big rock had lifted from my shoulder. A big thanks to God for giving me all the strength and energy to complete it. The feeling is so good when you actually finish doing something that you had put in a lot of effort and that made me smile....A smile that makes me think that all the hard work that I had put in worth it...