'Secrets-revealing-weekend'

I went through quite an unusual weekend back in Teluk Intan. I spent some time having some very intimate talk with two person despite preparing for my tests.

On Friday night, I had a chat with a friend of mine. He isn't very close to me but we've known each other for quite some time. He said he is so troubled and find no one to go to and end up, chatting with me. Well, I think it is by God's grace that I was still awake at 2a.m. for him to find me. He was feeling so devastated and crying all the way. He told me about his wrong-doings and how he felt so bad about it.He look so unloved. I felt his pain and cried together. I know it sounds stupid but I can really felt his desperation of wanting God to fill his heart. He wants to feel the love of Christ forhim again. He wanted so much to make things right but it turns out the other way round. He wanted to stop all his bad behaviors but he never get to fulfill his promises. I'm glad that he noticed his negative attitudes. I pray that God can grant me the strength to help him .

Then, on the following night, I had a long good chat with my sister. We started off talking about K-Pop concerts and then to my crush. And slowly, we went to a topic that I never thought we would even talk about it, our family problem. All these years, I thought I was the only one who was deeply hurt by the things I see and felt the pain of going through all the hard situations by myself. I thought she was living somewhere else knowing nothing that had happened back at home. But that wasn't true. In fact, she knows I cry to bed every night but not wanting to say anything about it. She knows the fear I had to bear. She knows a lot of things. On the other way round, I was the one who don't know her knowing all these and also the things she had to face in KL alone. She remained quiet and keep everything to herself. How can someone be so strong to keep all these fears in herself and not showing the least bit of it? She's amazing. I never know my sister got so much fears. But she never shows it. I wish I could help her to overcome her fears but... I 'm not there with her all the time.God is the only one that can help her then.

Now,I know my sister better ...She's indeed another person that I think is very strong besides my mum.

Overwhelmed by His love

I attended an event call the i-Musical night in PCC just now. I think the Powerhouse presented a really good musical sketch.Although it is short, it did touched my heart. Somehow tonight, the whole event turns out to be something that I didn't expect it at all. Honestly, the reason I went there was to see how they do the musical thing. But, it seems I gained so much more than that.

I felt God.
I felt Him.

The feeling that I had almost forgotten. The last time I was so overwhelmed by his love was when I'm in Canning Garden Methodist Church and that was like five years ago. I know it's embarrassing to keep crying. The try to hold back my tears but it seems I had lost control of myself. The tears keep pouring out. I feel so guilty and unworthy for all the things that I had done. In the past five years, I had gone through a lot of things. It hurts me so badly but I keep holding on to it. I tried spilling out to friends but yet the pain never subsided and the memories of it is still haunting me.

I'm so thankful that someone tonight actually reminded me how much God had loved me and that he is still protecting me. "Jesus loves me" is a phrase that I often hear and said to people. But the true meaning of it can only be felt when you really experience it.

Slowly changing again

Today I went to church like I always do. I happily stepped into the sanctuary, greeting the aunties that I saw and Barney. Then at the front desk, Mrs. Woo brought forward a brown colored, medium size envelope to me. My name was written on it in BOLD. I got a shock receiving it. And she went " Your boyfriend left you this". I know she's joking and just laugh on what she said. I tried to get her tell me who gave that all along. In the end, she say," Barney". And Barney was right behind me. It's quite surprising to see him still hanging around here and giving me a Christmas present when Chinese New Year is just four days away. But anyway, presents are never too late...Hehehe... When I unwrapped it, I found a book written there... " Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire". Well, the title did captured my attention but the cover of the book look rather boring.

Just now, I decided to just take a look of the book but the content catches my attention. I kept reading it not wanting to let it down. The book talks about a couple who heard the calling of God to serve in a a church in downtown Brooklyn and the miracles they experienced as the years gone by. Their faith for God and certain phrases in the book had touched me deeply and had me reflect it to my life.

Today is quite a good day for me because I slowly felt the presence of God in me again after slacking for quite some time. When Pastor Andrew gave the sermon " the Prodigal Son- The Elder Son", I felt as if he is talking about me. It is clear that most of the Christians had know this story very well and I am no exceptional. But, as he was preaching today, the real meaning of the scripture only appeared to me. I am like the Elder Son.Everything happened so fast that I only get to put things two by two now. God is trying to tell me how to draw back to HIM.

First, he put me as a committee member in an Easter program that requires me to do the casting and help out in the script rather than the costumes this time. Then, Wendy said she felt like doing a drama based on the story "The Prodigal Son". And, of course we agreed. As we discussed about it, Barney's testimonial just struck my thought and I told them about him. So we came to an agreement to act out his past. On that very night itself, I felt so worried if I cannot get an endorsement from him to do his story but thank god, he said 'ok' and even offered to write it out for us to refer.

Then comes today, this sermon popped out from no where and of all place I can wander, I attended the service back in my own church. Sitting down there, looking at the bulletin, still got surprised by the gift i got before that, Barney came and said "I think I'm the younger son" pointing at the title of the sermon. I laughed at what he said and agreed to it thinking that he was talking about the script I told him. But after listening to the sermon, only then I realized what he is talking all about.

Another thing that you may find it normal but I find it surprisingly weird is Vennesa and Pei Fen. No doubt these two girls are the closest to me in church, normally, I'll be the one who starts to talk and talk more than them. But today, as soon as Vennesa sit down by my side, she start telling about all the great things that had happened in Jeremiah School. I just sat there listening to her. It isn't the stories she said that mesmerized me but the fire and faith she had for God that inspired me again. Though she is a baby Christian but who cares, God takes care of those who are weak and uses them even more. As for Pei Fen, lately, she had constantly sms-ing me about her spiritual walk with God in Acts Church. I'm glad that she settled down in Acts Church and get to encounter God. The same thing like Vennesa, I felt the excitement she had for Christ. Two of them made me reflect to myself again. They somehow dropped me a message but I still don't know what's it. I know God is slowly changing my life again.

Before forgetting this, there's also another event that I find that God is trying to tell me something. Dad told me about his conversation with Andrew Chew during a dinner in KL.Andrew Chew told my dad that I'm having a lot of spiritual warfare. It's weird hearing that from him. The question is how would he know what I'm going through now when I hadn't tell him before. And what makes him so sure that I'm having a lot of spiritual warfare. I ponder on this for a while but deep down in my heart, I actually think he's right. I'm worried that I'll stumble to the temptations around me. The only thing I can do is to pray to HIM.

'God never turn a deaf ear to the one who CRIES out to HIM.'

Sweet and Bitter first week

It has been four days since the third semester of my foundation year started. I name this week bitter because I had to suffer three sleepless nights due to itchiness all over my body. To make the long story short, it was due to allergic. I didn't know that I'm allergy to dust so badly all this while. So, now that I know, does it mean I can stay out of all the cleaning chores? I think my mum is going to say " Yes, it will only come true in your dream".
I call this week sweet because I find myself feeling happy all the time despite the itchiness I have. I'm glad to see that there is a lot of new members joining our Christian Fellowship. It's a new beginning again for them. Looking at the new foundation students reminds me of the first time when I step into Utar. The word ALIEN was the only thing that I can describe for myself. I hope they can adapt to the people and environment over here.
Results are one of the most common topic to talk about when a new semester starts. And so, my friends and I are also keen to ask people about it. I didn't do it for the sake of comparing but I'm just being caring. I just want to share the happiness of those who had improved in their studies and encourage those who didn't do to well. And I'm glad that one of friends who didn't do well in the 2nd semester decided to put in more effort in the 3rd semester. Only four days had passed in this new semester but he had already start revising. This is the spirit that all of us need to learn.

Shooting stars

Meteors!!!
Just imagine this...
A big-enough balcony on the second floor of the Beijing house...Lying down side by side on the floor is five very cute students who planned to study mathematics till dawn, shivering in the cold wind, staring in awe into the dark vast sky lit up by millions of twinkling stars, chatting about their old experiences, cracking up lame jokes or something like 'the-multiple time-appearing-bird-that-distract-us', enjoying the soothing view of beautiful stars that scattered across the sky, breathing fresh air, Waiting with much anticipation for the first meteor to appear...
And then, there goes...
A very beautiful shooting star with red fiery tail falls...
The vision that we had in that split second,
it's the sweetest memory I had so far living here in Westlake...
And so we continue to see more meteors as we wait...
But the first shooting star was the one that I can never forgets.
What I enjoy most is not only the meteor but the wonderful balcony to lye down and the presence of the friends to be there with me sharing this precious moment in life.
Not forgetting to thank Ah Siang for his jacket to keep me warm while witnessing the 'show' put up by God to draw a smile on my face and take away all my worries about Maths.
It was the occurrence of the meteors that made me realize,
taking time to see the wondrous creation of God is worthwhile.
I never know I can get such a chance to see this.
I thought it only appears in Taiwanese dramas and fairy-tales.
But to happen right in front of my eye, got me so excited.
It may sound romantic to some people that I was the only girl among the four boys as they say it resembles the drama call "Meteor Garden". I cannot imagine Ray, Prof. Chua, Kevin and Ah Siang being F4 and me being 'San Chai'. It's just so not right. (hahahahahaha)
But IT CERTAINLY IS
An event that takes my breath away!
15 December 2010...

Lost but found

I lost myself for past two weeks because of all the workload I have.
Information I got for my assignments invaded my table and also my computer.
Worries overflow from mind... I overuse my energy till my eyes swell.
I'm just over EXHAUSTED.
Although I complain but what's the point?
No one can help me except myself.
I didn't go to God or should I say I didn't spare time for God.
This is why I become so dry in my spiritual life.
Now I know buzy-ness can drag us away from God.
Hate it!...
But, Thank God I realise my condition, and I'm now trying to fix it.
I hope that I'l manage to pull myself away from all these work and not aim too much for success in study but to strive harder to know more about God.

Unexpected friends

It feels so surprising as so many people start to pop up in my life.
One by one they are taking over the memory space in my mind.
This is what Wei Jane likes to say, leaving footprints in my life.
Some left so many footprints that I can never overlook it.
These are those who had influenced me in some ways or another.
I know it is God's will to send them to my life and I thank God for his generous gift.
So many of them are true sincere friends.
Sometimes, I think I, myself is the one who is not doing enough for them.
All of them had already taken a place in my heart without me even noticing it...
I admit that I used to be very eager in getting into a relationship.
But as a I stay here longer, I begin to like the way it is and I've stopped thinking about involving into a relationship anymore.
However, now, the question pops up again because of certain circumstances.
Life is full of questions.
When can they all be answered?
HAhaha.....
Anyway... without all this, life will not be interesting anymore.
God only knows what will happen next.